Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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