I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Couch. On fire.
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