got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We just shotgunned beers for America
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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