My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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