I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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