Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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