i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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