do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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