The best revenge is premature balding
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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