Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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