the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
