Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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