If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
