How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
