And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
