Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
