Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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