So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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