you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
