He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
