is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
