i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
