wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
