I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
