i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
