Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
do nipples grow back?
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