So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
