Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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