Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
