I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
