At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
