God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
