then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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