he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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