Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
This house was built for laser tag.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
