your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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