I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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