when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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