how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
