Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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