Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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