He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
