shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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