dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
