I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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