i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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