Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
