If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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