no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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