Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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