The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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