I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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