I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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