think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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