I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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