Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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