you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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