plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
