can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
