So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize