Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
