I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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