His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Terrible idea I love it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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