i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
