So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
