I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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