Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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