sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
