the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Girls should come with a carfax report
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
