he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
