Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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