Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
