WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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