I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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